30 June 2018

How To Make Love Like a Pornstar: A Cautionary Tale

By Jenna Jameson (with Neil Strauss)

You may mistake the title as a sort of a Kama Sutra or sort of a sex instruction guide but the content of this is actually an autobiography.

This is the autobiography of Jenna Jameson.

Jenna is a porn star. You may have seen her in one of your dad’s or brother’s collection of smut videos.

If I can translate this book to a movie, I can say that this is “Showgirls” meets “Gia Carangi” meets “Coyote Ugly.” If you have seen all this three movies, you got all of it in one book.

I like people whose life is colorful, whose life has been dirty, whose life has been shameful, and whose life has not been a “fairy tale” or “Cinderella” and yet was able to manage to build a reputation. That for me is inspiring.

Here are some of my “favorite” expressions from the book:

On page 7, “There comes a moment in every life when a choice must be made between right and wrong, between good and evil, between light and darkness. These decisions are made in and instant, BUT WITH REPERCUSSIONS that last a LIFETIME. My troubles began the day I chose the DARKNESS…”

On page 13, “Now I know that if you’re dating somebody TO IMPROVE HIM, you’re not really in a love relationship. You’re just being a nurse. The simple truth, and the hardest thing most women ever learn, is that what you see is what you get.”

On page 34, “It’s funny, but as soon as you stop thinking – or trying to think – all of your best ideas come to you. When you don’t focus on a problem, your subconscious will solve it for you. And that’s what happened.”

On page 36, “I represented money leaving their pockets.”

On page 42, “A strip club has its own CASTE SYSTEM in the locker room: the amount of private space a girl has, the closer she is to the bathroom, the more lights she has in her changing area all denote her rank. The top girls don’t even have to go on stage because they are so busy giving private dances.”

“Every night, I would go home and think about what I had done wrong, what I could have done better, what new idea I could try to drive a guy so crazy that he would run to the cash machine to get more money to pay me.”

On page 43, “What you can’t fix, you feature.”

On page 46, “I want to keep my two lives separate: to be a MOUSE during the day and a SHARK at night.”

On page 48, “Strippers can be vicious. The mentality is that if these guys are going to VICTIMIZE us, we’re going to totally victimize them right back. It seemed like a fair exchange. And it was character building: I was finally learning to take control of people instead of being so passive in social situations.”

On page 49, “They say that MONEY CAN’T BUY HAPPINESS, but that is an OVERSIMPLIFICATION. It actually depends on how you earn your money. If you’re juggling high–stress investments or managing scores of employees or deluged with phone calls or hiding something from the authorities, LIFE IS NO FUN. But if you can walk into a room, lead to a bunch of guys, and then leave with thousands of dollars in cash in your pocket and no obligation to anyone – not even an obligation to show up to work the next day – LIFE IS GOOD.”

On page 60, “Often people make the mistake of thinking that when others open up to them, they are looking for advice. But actually, they’ve heard the same advice hundreds of time and never acted on it. Logically, they know the advice is right, but emotionally they can’t tear themselves away from their set patterns. And emotions always overpower thoughts.”

On page 70, “People often say that the world would be so much better if it were run by WOMEN. But women have as MANY FAULTS AS MEN. Their faults are just different. So the truth is that the world would not be better if it were run by a woman, it would be better if it were run by the right woman. When men race or fight, they are only striving to prove their MASCULINITY or protect their sense of pride. But women DO NOT COMPARTMENTALIZE in the same way. For the worst of our species, any other attractive female is seen as competition and a threat.”

On page 71, “It’s not real life in here. It’s a game, one big game of MIND FUCKING. If you’re somewhat in tune with other people and can pick up on what they are thinking and who they are by talking to them, then you can win. You may not be a manipulative person deep inside, but in here YOU MUST MANIPULATE. And you will learn that you can get anything you want by maneuvering CORRECTLY.”

On page 78, “A relationship with a woman is much different than with man. There is a much stronger emotional connection between women; with a man, there is more of a power dynamic at work.”

On page 85, “Life has a funny way of surprising you. When you least expect something to happen, it does.”

On page 97, “They worked me for seven hours before letting me go. I swore that NEXT TIME I’d show them so much PINK they’d think the sun was setting.”

On page 131, “But then I looked at my own life: my career was on fast track, but my family and personal life were in the shitter. It seemed like a formula for the same king of tragic end. With such an unstable foundation, the larger an edifice of fame you build on it, the more unwieldy it becomes – until it just collapses. There were so many things I still needed to figure out for myself.”

On page 134, “The strange thing about BULLIES is that if you take their ABUSE, it never ends. But once you get the balls to stand up to them, they respect you and move on to a WEAKER TARGET. I never heard a bitchy word from her again. It was that easy – and that difficult.”

On page 173, “…he needed to NUMB himself because IT WAS EASIER to self–destruct than to face the truth.”

On page 182, “The DEVIL WAS MY OWN REFLECTION. I had made my living with my looks, and now they were gone: the beautiful blond hair, the full smiling face, big bedroom eyes. All the curves that men paid thousands of dollars just to look at HAD MELTED away to reveal a SKELETON IN RAGS.”

On page 316, “Whatever you go on to do in life, these films will be WITH YOU forever. Think about how it will affect your future relationships. And, God forbid, one day you are going to have to explain them to your children.”

On page 317, “The only thing I ask is that, if you do it, make sure you DO IT RIGHT. Don’t ever compromise yourself and don’t let anyone get the best of you. When you show up for work, know that you are an asset to them and not the other way around.”

On page 324, “I don’t know exactly why I drew the line there, but I’ve never doubted that decision once. If you come into this industry as a woman, you need to have a clearly defined set of guidelines and boundaries for yourself. That’s how you MAINTAIN YOUR SANITY. And every person I know has a different standard they hold themselves to.”

On page 325, “The job of PORN STAR is not a calling – or EVEN AN OPTION – for most women. However, if you make the right decisions and set the right boundaries for yourself, it can be a great living, because you’ll make a lot of money while doing very little work. And you’ll get more experience in front of the camera than any HOLLYWOOD actress. Though watching porn may seem degrading to some women, the fact is that it’s one of the few jobs for women where you can get to a certain level, look around, and FEEL SO POWERFUL, not just in the work environment but as a SEXUAL BEING.”

On page 328, “You will always be thought as a PORN STAR, even if you become a NUN afterward.”

On page 329, “They think that becoming a porn star means just fucking and doing drugs, but it’s a job. You punch the clock and you go to work.”

On page 333, “The great thing about becoming a porn star is that you don’t need a manager, an agent, or ANYONE TAKING GIANT PERCENTAGES of the money you’re earning. Never let anyone represent you or sign away anything to another person. Just be HEADSTRONG, stick to your guns, and have the ability to say NO, and you can keep it all.”

On page 395, “I want to be judged BY WHO I AM as a person, not by what happened to me. In fact, all the bad things have only contributed to my confidence and sense of self, because I survived them and became a better and stronger person for it.”

“Nearly everyone has some sort of SKELETON OF THEIR OWN or their family HIDDEN IN THE CLOSET. There are people who have suffered terrible abuse and grown up to be lawyers and doctors with stable families. Others suffered some small indignation and turned into violent sociopaths. Ultimately, what really matters is not just the experiences you have at a young age, but whether or not you are equipped – by your parents, by your genetics, by your education – to survive and deal with them.”

On page 402, “Success requires some familiarity with the fatal flow of NARCISSISM.”

On page 412, “My life is at a fucking peak,” I thought. “There’s nowhere to go from here but down.”

On page 455, “I didn’t realize that it’s a lot worse TO BE LONELY in the company of someone you supposedly love THAN IT IS to be lonely by YOURSELF.”

On page 481, “If mistakes and failures are really nothing but learning lessons, then I was well on my way to a Ph.D in men.”

On page 488, “I had big boobs to begin with, but in this industry, a girl has to be larger than life. The problem is that big implants are a magnet for creeps and a hindrance to most physical activity. That’s why you’ll never see retired porn stars playing golf.”

On page 491, “To be in this industry, you need to have strong grounding – because you are questioned by everyone, even yourself, on a daily basis. And if you fall into the trap and start hating WHO YOU ARE, then you are going to start taking it out on yourself and everyone around you.”

On page 540, “The only problem was that I WASN’T COMFORTABLE being COMFORTABLE. It wasn’t a feeling that had been part of my reality in the past.”

On page 548, “But love is NOT an INTELLECTUAL DECISION. You can’t look for it or hold on to it or run away from it. It comes and goes according to its own wild inclination, completely out of our control. All we can do is recognize it when we feel it, and try to enjoy it while it lasts – be it for a day or a lifetime. I was trying to fight it because I had taught myself, like most people, to fear love, because it makes me VULNERABLE.”

On page 551, “In myths about everyone from Hercules to the Buddha, rewards do not come without a struggle. There are labors to be undertaken, tests to be passed, hardships to overcome. Happy endings are the products of tragic beginnings.”

On page 554, “In CHILDHOOD, you think your parents are perfect; in ADOLESCENCE, you realize that they’re not; and ADULTHOOD, I realized, means finally accepting them for what they are, flawed human beings just like ourselves.”

On page 565, “I’ve forgiven, but I haven’t forgotten. There will always be a permanent scar and, though it hasn’t yet healed FULLY, at least it doesn’t hurt anymore.”

On page 571, “All the wrong choices I had made served only to ferry me to the right place.”

On page 577 (Epilogue), “I feel like I’ve allowed myself to let go of the pain, and embrace the fact that I’m not perfect. I certainly still strive to be the best at whatever I do, but I’m not shattered IF I FAIL. This has come from my own inner strength, not from looking to other people to fulfill me. I was always searching for someone to make it better, not realizing that someone was ME. I’m comfortable just where I am. And this time I’m not going to run away because I have a future that I never thought was possible for me to look forward to.”

No comments:

Post a Comment